7 reasons to masturbate
Boys are introduced to pornography and masturbation at a very early age. For some, they are introduced to it even before their bodies develop what is needed to enjoy such activities. Some of the men I have known have been viewing pornography and masturbating to it since puberty and have never had a wet dream before.
Here are some of the reasons why people who continue to use pornography to masturbate give to justify their uses, and the corresponding response I would give:
1. It feels good.
- Can’t deny that, but it doesn’t feel good every time. Sometimes it’s just not satisfactory. At other times, you feel damned guilty afterwards. Still at other times, you left a big mess in the room and you have to clean up and make sure you don’t get caught. Then there’s that nagging guilt and suspicion of other people using the computer and chancing across your porn files.
Life’s more than about feeling good. It’s more than about such fleeting feelings are. Abstaining from instant gratification, not just masturbation, helps create a better, more permanent form of happiness by introducing you to real love, instead of lust.
2. It doesn’t harm anyone.
- Actually it does. It harms you, because you are taking that love you have that is meant for others and directing it towards yourself. Basically, you are having a sexually intimate relationship with yourself which can only lead to the detriment of the loving relationships you have with others.
3. It doesn’t harm anyone else.
- Why is it wrong and against the law, both legal and moral, to commit suicide? It doesn’t harm anyone else too. It is because the ones who love him are harmed when they realize that their loved one had problems and that they could not be trusted to share his secret. There is a great sense of betrayal of trust in the persons.
4. No one loves me. It doesn’t harm anyone else.
- The one who commits suicide harms society as a whole because it deprives the society of one person’s gifts. Similarly, masturbation deprives society of the love you could be giving to other members of the society and giving it to yourself instead. Thus, not only is the rest of society harmed by this selfish action, the rest of society doesn’t benefit from it either.
5. It’s my body, and I can do what I want with it.
- Really? Then make your hair move on its own. It’s your body, isn’t it? Why can’t you move it? Or how about never falling sick. It’s your body, isn’t it? Why can’t you always remain healthy? Simply because your body doesn’t belong to you. It’s been loaned to you to take care of.
Your human body is not yours, contrary to what you might think. You need to return it when you’re done with it. It’s like borrowing someone’s mobile phone to make a call. You don’t use the phone to knock in a nail when you borrow it, do you? No, you treat it carefully because it’s not yours. You use it only for what it’s supposed to be used for. Masturbation is not what the genitals are supposed to be used for.
6. I need to masturbate in order release this sexual tension in me. It’s the natural thing to do.
- What happens if you don’t release it? Will it collect until you pop? Actually yes. When you sleep at night, your body will release the sperm periodically in a totally natural way. That’s the truly natural thing to do - to allow nature to take its course.
7. But it’s so inconvenient to get up in the middle of the night to wash up after wet dreams.
- The natural thing to do isn’t always the most convenient thing to do. You do have to make a trip to the toilet to pee, don’t you? And no one complains about that inconvenience, except maybe the elderly. But really, this excuse of inconvenience is really all there is to it - an inconvenience… because you and I know that it’s not the real reason why a guy jerks off once a week or more. We do it for pleasure. This excuse of inconvenience is just an excuse to make us feel justified while jerking off.
There are, of course, more reasons, but those are not reasons that I have ever used to justify myself. Maybe I will write another post on that in future.
Filed under: Chastity, Culture of Death, Life Reflections, Love, Masturbation, Pornography, Sex, Theology of the Body
Most protestant evangelicals think that masturbation is not instrinsically sinful, just that allowing flashing sex images to run through your mind is wrong. If I’m not mistaken the Catholic Church believes that masturbation is always wrong because not only is it lust, but it spills the seed, ie onanism.
Hi Jizzy,
I know individual Catholics say that masturbation is wrong because it spills the seed of life, but that’s not what the Catholic Church teaches about it.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church (#2352) says:
By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”
That would be the official teaching of the Catholic Church on masturbation, but it’s quite hard to understand, isn’t it?
Simply put, masturbation is the misuse of one’s sexual organs. This is what is meant by the term “intrinsically disordered” used here, as opposed to “intrinsically sinful”. In addition, masturbation runs contrary to the spirit of love, which consists of the gift of self. When a person masturbates, he (or she) is using his sexual organs to pleasure himself. The more he does this, the more difficult it becomes for him to seek the pleasure of another person in sex. Sex becomes, for him, another way of obtaining pleasure.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Catholic Writer,
As a 24-year old unmarried male, I’ve been struggling with masturbation specifically and purity in general for years. I’ve come a long way from a few years ago when I had a daily porn habit that was self-destructive to the point of making it impossible to properly relate to women. I’ve made a lot of progress, but it’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. By the grace of God and through the work of His Sacraments, I have not voluntarily viewed porn in well over a year. Unfortunately, I’m still struggling with masturbation.
I’ve gotten to a point where I’m having problems far less than weekly, but I can’t seem to totally eliminate it. Worse, given some of the literature I’ve found on this, I wonder if it’s an unwinnable battle. The problem I have is that most writings give nocturnal emissions (”wet dreams”
as the “natural” release for sexual fluids buildup, etc. I also know the Church does not define that as a sin since it’s involuntary. The problem is that doesn’t happen for me. I have the “wet dreams” but not the nocturnal emissions- I *always* wake up first, very close to orgasm. At this point I can either masturbate to “finish” (often requiring on the order of only a few seconds of light stimulation) or wait and pray and eventually make it back to sleep, often after loosing a lot of valuable sleep time. Of course, “finishing” here does not give me the moral protections of it being involuntary.
The problem gets worse, since without relief, I become more sensitive. I’ve sometimes gotten to the point where I can barely carry on normal day-time activities without inadvertently stimulating myself to erection. Obviously, this can be problematic in a professional environment.
You don’t need to explain to me why masturbation is morally problematic. I’ve read Theology of The Body, etc. I’m just trying to figure out where to go from here. I want to follow the Church and pursue purity and holiness. I don’t want to settle into an equilibrium where I masturbate every few weeks or so out of seeming necessity and then just head to the confessional. That seems like presuming on the Sacrament of reconciliation.
There is also the issue of causing harm to my genitals. I’ve read in several places that without masturbation and/or the release from nocturnal emissions, damage can be caused. I’ve never found a good Catholic response to this. They normally seem to completely dodge the question and just start talking about the moral problems with masturbation. I feel called to have a holy family at some point. I don’t want to get married to find that I’ve done harm to my ability to reproduce.
I’ve had a hard time getting advice on this. The Internet is generally a terrible, non-Catholic resource on such matters; and it’s not something I can easily talk about in my normal circles. Do you have any knowledge or advice on this? Or a recommendation on where to look?
Thanks.
Hi WantsPurity,
Thanks for writing in. I must say that I used to have that same problem a few years ago. For a period of time, I settled into masturbating because I couldn’t have nocturnal emission either, and then go for confession afterwards.
I’ve found that one helpful way initially is to physical exhaust myself through exercise or some other means. That is to say, to sleep only when I’m really tired. I found that it is helpful because I no longer wake up when I have wet dreams and nocturnal emission. There are times when I find myself wet in the morning with no recollection of the dreams at all, and of course I don’t wake up in the middle of the night.
Generally speaking, if you can go for about a month without masturbation, two tops, and not have a wet dream, you might have a physical problem and you should check it out with a professional. On average, a person of your age should have nocturnal emission about once every two weeks or so. Of course different people have different cycles (yes, men have cycles too). I notice that I get emotionally sensitive after a nocturnal emission, rather than before, but this is beside the point.
You do, of course, recognise that if you have problems carrying on normal day-time activities without stimulating yourself to erection, you might have an addiction problem? I write this because being unable to function normally without indulging oneself is possibly a withdrawal symptom. But it’s also important to know that it is perfectly normal to have an involuntary erection during the day. Sometimes it’s accidental, like when the underwear rubs you the wrong way. But if you actually manually stimulate yourself, you might have a problem.
One way of dealing with the problem is to talk it over with a counsellor or a psychologist who might help you to find out whether there is a real problem or not, and to help you through it. Get a good Catholic one, for goodness sake, because some non-Catholic ones might tell you that the answer to your problem is to watch porn. You can tell they are not very familiar with the symptoms of addiction! And of course, find someone that you’re very comfortable with.
I set up this directory a few weeks ago: http://pornfree.wordpress.com
Here you will find links to good Catholic websites that will provide you with more information and resources. Best of all, you can ask them for prayers. Some of them have dedicated ministries to prayer for those with problems like ours. And they’re effective!
Hope this helps! If not, feel free to write in again with clarifications or other questions.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
FYI: Suicide is not illegal in many places. The problem, of course, with arguing that something is wrong based (even in part) on this or that (non-natural) law is that law varies from place to place.
Additionally, I see no reason to view love as intrinsically related to sex (or masturbation), and certainly no reason to view love as something that runs out once it is expressed. On the first point, to argue in comparison between self-love (masturbation) and a more general societal love, as if one must be exchanged for the other leads to the shocking implication that semen, ejaculation, or some form of sex must be involved when I follow the Christian injunction to love my neighbor as myself (which is, I am fairly sure, not what Christ had in mind). On the second point, a simple thought experiment shows the problem: If you were to go around expressing love to your fellows, would you end the day feeling more loving or less? I think most people would answer “more”.
Just a couple talking points…
I can set a young person up with the best life I can, depending on EXACTLY how much the locals are willing to show up with plywood paint and nails, to help me serve customers so I can get cash to help that young person with.
The kid is gong to masturbate, but they want a house, a car and a job, that means paid for never in debt, the debt to credit cards and banks is the guilt, not the masturbation.
I need that young person to meet the customers and ask how the kid can use the gear and tools and materials I provide to serve that customer it is about work not sex or sin or anything, it is cutting edge between the kid and the customer.
If you are not willing to SPEAK about your responsibility, to provide the house car and job for that young person to have a normal sex life, then don’t tell him how to have sex in a halfway o house or barracks or in you r house when he has no place to live.
Take away the plumbing and the place for them to have a healthy sex life and you are making them your slave.
It is MORE STIMULATING to stop a young person from having sex, than it is to have a normal sex life. That is why the military and corporatism is so popular.
Hi topspeedroller,
Thanks for commenting. I can see this post struck a chord with you, although what that chord is, I am not too sure.
What exactly are you trying to say here? That God made a mistake in creating the male human body, and we have to rectify that mistake through masturbation? Surely God has put in a natural biological process to rid the body of excess sperm.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Hi khrushchevinlove,
You are right. Suicide is not illegal in many places. Strange, don’t you think, since killing is illegal, and suicide is killing oneself. I’m not sure how the law works in such places…
On your first point, I would like to ask: Have you ever wondered what is the purpose of sex? Why were we created to reproduce through sex? We could have been created hermaphrodites or created to divide whether it is time to reproduce. And what does it mean when it says in the Bible when God created man:
Let us make man in our own image, in the likeness of ourselves.
How are we an image of God? The Christian image of God is a Trinitarian God that exists in a communion of love, that is, the total giving of oneself. The Father gives himself totally to the Son, and the Son gives himself totally to the Father. This bond of love between them is so perfect that a third person, the Holy Spirit, is born from it. How does God reveal himself in the human body?
Through sex!
In a marriage, the husband gives himself totally to his wife, and his wife gives himself totally to her husband. This bond of love between them creates a third person - the child. So you see, human sex is made to reflect the communion of love that exists in God. Hence, humans are made in the image of God.
It is not the sperm that is involved in love, but the giving of oneself. In love, a person makes his whole person as a gift to another. In masturbation, which is a form and result of lust, the person directs himself towards himself. Love requires relationship. With masturbation, there is only the self, no other person. There is no relationship with another person.
The sperm comes out and has nowhere to go, so to speak. The sperm does not fulfil its intended purpose. In sex, however, the sperm ends up inside the woman’s vagina, where it can fulfil its intended purpose - to bring about life. There is no other proper place for the sperm to belong to other than inside the woman, certainly not the tissue paper.
On the second point, you are right that if a person goes around expressing love to his or her fellows, he or she would end the day feeling more loving. Now consider the reverse. If the person goes around using everyone else for his or her own gratification, would the person end the day feeling more loving or less? I think most people would answer “less”.
And that’s the whole point - when we use another person for our own gratification, we are cheapening what love really is. We are not forming loving relationships with other people. We are not being loving, and we are not being loved.
What are your thoughts on this?
God bless,
Catholic Writer
I feel weak everytime I have a wet dream. Furthermore, after a wet dream I get sick(the flu) easily. Does anyone have the same symptoms as me? What can I do to feel healthier after a wet dream? This has happen to me for about a year now and I’m pretty sure that it’s the wet dreams that make me more prone to illness.
Hi college student,
As far as I know, wet dreams do not cause a lowering of immunity. But then again, there hasn’t been any noteworthy research conducted on wet dreams. Perhaps your body constitution is weak to begin with. Taking more vitamins to boost your immune system might help. Or you can try getting a flu vaccine.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
I’m going to prove all of your points wrong:
1. It certainly does feel good. And if you do it right, it feels good every time. Also, if there is more of a risk involved (as in someone finding you doing it) it might make it more exciting.
2. Who says you can’t love yourself and someone else. Masturbating has actually been found to help improve sex with other people.
3. When someone commits suicide, you don’t call the cops. Their already dead, so the point about it being against the law is just plain out stupid. Also, if someone commits suicide, you don’t usually think about how bad of a person they were for not telling anyone else. You usually blame yourself for not knowing.
4. As i said before, why can’t you love yourself a whole lot and love someone else a whole lot.
5. This is the most insane rubbish I have ever heard. You body belongs to you, it is not loaned to you. If it were, who would be doing the loaning. The president? The governor? Who is this person who is in charge of your body. Secondly, why can’t you do anything with your body. I mean, i know you can’t make your hairs move, but, if you wanted to, you could, for example, cut off your ear. Or you leg. What I’m trying to say is that you can do whatever (if physically possible) you want to with your body.
6. What the hell is the difference between masturbation and wet dreams. If masturbation was not natural, how come all other species of mammals have been found to do it.
7. I know some things in life are inconvenient, but if something doesn’t have to be, why let it be. Most people don’t want to wake up covered in semen.
Hi Tom,
1. Try doing it 6 times in one and a half hours, and tell me how good it feels. It feels worse knowing that you can’t stop until the pain is too much to bear.
2. Because loving is a total gift of the self to another person, whereas lusting is using another person for one’s own gratification. Using a person and loving a person are mutually exclusive. Show me where it has been found that masturbation helps improve sex with other people.
3. Tom, does your wife or girlfriend know that you masturbate? If she doesn’t, how do you think she would feel if she knew that you did? If she does, how do you think she felt when she discovered it? Does/did she not feel hurt?If she doesn’t know and one day discovers it, what will hurt her most is that you kept it from her. And yes, you are right, she will blame herself for not knowing.
4. As I said before, loving a person and using a person for one’s own gratification are mutually exclusive. You can’t love a person for who he or she is, and at the same time, use him or her for your own gratification. He or she is either a person you love, or an object you use.
5. If our bodies belonged to us, then no one would need to take care of his own health. There are rules to taking care of one’s health e.g. eating properly, exercising, etc. Who made these rules? Certainly not ourselves, because if we made those rules, we could change those rules. The one who made those rules for us to have a healthy body is the one who loaned us our bodies.
6. When you masturbate, you manually stimulate yourself to ejaculation. When you have wet dreams, you don’t even have to touch your penis. It happens without your control. And actually, the intensity of feeling from having wet dreams is greater than when masturbating because when you masturbate, you are conscious of the rubbing action. When you have wet dreams, there is no rubbing feeling, just the pure ecstatic climax. So having wet dreams is actually more pleasurable than masturbating.
7. We don’t have to go to toilet to pee. We can all wear diapers. But I’m sure you don’t. If you’re normal, you probably inconvenience yourself to go to the toilet to pee. Why? It doesn’t have to be. Why let it be? Furthermore, you pee far more often than you have wet dreams, hence peeing is more inconvenient than having wet dreams.
If you see how ridiculous this reason is, you should also be able to see how ridiculous a reason using convenience as an excuse to masturbate is.
This is an interesting discussion. Wet dreams can be a blessing for men. What about women. God gave women just as strong of, and in some cases a stronger sex drive than men. Do we just sit in silence and suffer, because we aren’t able to have a wet dream like a man can?
Hi Jenny,
Thanks for dropping by.
I can’t say for sure what God gave to women when it comes to the sex drive, because I’m not a woman. I can only write from the male perspective and on masturbation because these are reasons that I have used to justify my actions in the past.
As for women, well, you have to ask a more experienced woman, I suppose.
But I wouldn’t say that many men have wet dreams enjoy it, otherwise more men would choose to have wet dreams over masturbation. For women, from my limited knowledge of the matter, get to sleep in peace without having to get up in the middle of the night to change their pants. 
God bless,
Catholic Writer
yes or no, is it against the catholic religion to masturbate?
Hi cam,
Masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action, as the deliberate use of th sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.
In a word, yes.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Looking at different parts of your very interesting site just now and reading a few entries here. WantsPurity struck me because I recently came into contact with someone who had had this problem for years but after starting to attend the traditional rite of Mass about a year or so ago has found that the temptations have become less and less frequent. I’d try that before risking counsellors - even Catholic ones.
Worth a try?
Hi Annette,
I doubt that the traditional Mass is directly the ‘cure’ for the problem, because if it were true, then no one who attended the traditional Mass before the new Mass came into existence would have struggled with masturbation. And based on experiences of friends, I know that new Mass or old Mass, they still experienced the same temptations.
Offhand, I can suggest a possible explanation for your friend’s case. It could be (I’m guessing here) that your friend himself is very traditional and prefers the old Mass to the new one. Maybe he has observed some kind of liturgical abuse present in the new Mass where he used to attend and it could have gotten him rather stressed out. Stress is one factor that reduces our resistance to temptations and make it seem like the temptations are more frequent.
Attending the old Mass could have removed that stress and resulted in less temptations, but I wouldn’t attribute it to attending the old Mass per se because of the abovementioned reason.
Thanks for the suggestion nonetheless. It would be helpful for those who are annoyed or disgruntled with the new Mass, which results in added stress in their lives and leads to frequent temptations.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Hi Catholic Writer,
I’ve searched all over the internet and I can’t seem to find any Roman Catholic website that gives advice to parents regarding how to talk to their children about masturbation.
I know my 11-yr. old son has started this, but I don’t know how to talk to him about it. Do you have any advice to give?
Thanks and God bless!
Hi StrivingCatholic,
I think it would be helpful to explain (several times over the course of his development and maturity) the purposes of his genitals, and how masturbation is a misuse of them.
According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, masturbation is understood as the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. One of the consequences of this is by artificial stimulation over a period of time, the person loses the ability to experience a natural high that comes from nocturnal emission or, later in life, sexual stimulation with his partner.
Your son is at the onset of puberty. He is at a time when certain parts of his brain are developing further, and he might not be able to consider long-term consequences as well as adults can. Help him to learn how to make good decisions in life (not just in this area of sexuality), so that he will be able to make good decisions, instead of bad decisions that can lead to addiction later in life.
It helps very much for him to know that you are not condemning him for what he is doing, that he can share with you his feelings and thoughts as he grows up. With masturbation comes a sense of shame. That most kids will never masturbate in the presence of another person, especially an adult, is proof of this.
Masturbation tends, though not always, to be accompanied by the use of pornography, now very easily available through the Internet. Make sure that the computers in the household are placed in public areas, like the living room, so that he will not be able to look at pornography in the privacy of his own room. Check on him at unexpected times, to lower his opportunities to watch pornography. Install filters on the computer to block out unwanted spam and porn pop-ups.
You can find out more about pornography, as well as view other good Catholic websites on the topic at this directory: http://pornfree.wordpress.com/
This is another good website to find out more on how to educate your child on sex: http://www.dads.org/
Hope this helps you!
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Food for thought:
“A more personal approach and better psychological as well as physical knowledge point out that masturbation is ordinarily not that important a matter. There is no blanket gravity that can be assigned to every act of masturbation. Masturbatory activity is generally symptomatic . . . . Masturbation might be expressive of a deep-seated inversion or just an adolescent growing-up process. Generally speaking I believe masturbation is wrong since it fails to integrate sexuality into the service of love… This wrongness is not always grave; in fact, more times it is not… Catholic educators should openly teach that masturbation is not always a grave matter and most times, especially for adolescents, is not that important… However, the teacher should not leave the adolescent with the impression that there is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation,.” Charles Curran, Contemporary Problems in Moral Theology (Notre Dame, 1970) pp. 175-176.
Hi Juan,
Charles Curran seems to be unaware of the psychological knowledge that habitual masturbation, which normally begins at adolescence, often leads to addiction to masturbation in later adult years.
I assume that you are also aware that Curran actively opposes the Catholic Church’s views on many sexuality-related issues, and that he was, more than 20 years ago, removed from teaching at the Catholic University of America.
In the light of this knowledge, I would be wary of reading his writings, much less quoting from it.
One thing is true, however, an addict to masturbation is less guilty of sin than a person who masturbates only once in a while. This is because the addict has much less control over his ability to choose. Of course it doesn’t mean that s/he is sinless in his act. If this is what Curran refers to, then yes, I would agree with him.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Interesting discussion going on here.
One must not use sinful fantasies to fuel his/her sexual pleasure.
Is arousing oneself, which results in ejaculation, without manipulation of the genitals a sin? The arousal could be just the thought of ejaculating. Also would dry-humping the bed or similar activity that results in ejaculation be a sin? Thanks.
I just want to say i am devout christian and catholic but if u are supposed to be celibant until u get married what happens to all that semen that must come out its a psychlogical need to stop problems with your prostate and bladder. If u keep it in and just let it come out naturally during wet dreams at very long times u will have true prostate problems so think all about this the catholic church which i go to but disgree with many of their teachings such as not letting Priests getting married and saying masturbation is harmful. They say that for their own benefit because they dont want to supply priests families if they got married so why cant a priest cant married when in the bible it says they can? Distortion and turing around non truths are poor…….
Hi Scott,
The more important question is why you want to achieve ejaculation. Is it for self-pleasure?
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Hi Chris,
There is no medical proof that there will be problems with your prostrate and bladder. There is however evidence to show that masturbation is harmful to your mental and physical health. This website explains the serious mental and physical consequences of masturbation: http://newlifehabits.com/2007/08/07/masturbation-addiction-explained/
Regarding priestly celibacy, did you know that there are many rites in the Catholic Church that allows priests to be married? Even within the Latin Rite, there are exceptions made for converted married ministers to be ordained.
I’ve heard of a number of reasons given by people who opposed priestly celibacy, and I would have to say that yours - that the Church doesn’t want to supply priests families - has been the most absurd reason. After all, does not the Church provide for the families of thousands and tens of thousands of poor people?
The Latin Rite of the Catholic Church has good reasons to elect priests only from those who voluntarily renounce marriage. It is first and foremost important to understand and value marriage itself, for marriage and celibacy are tied together as closely as fasting and eating are.
It is the holiness of marriage that makes celibacy precious; for only what is good and holy in itself can be given up for God as a sacrifice. Just as fasting presupposes the goodness of food, celibacy presupposes the goodness of marriage. To despise celibacy, therefore, is to undermine marriage itself - as the early Fathers pointed out.
Celibacy is also a life-affirming institution. In the Old Testament, where celibacy was almost unknown, the childless were often despised by others and themselves; only through children, it was felt, did one acquire value. By renouncing marriage, the celibate affirms the intrinsic value of each human life in itself, regardless of offspring.
Finally, celibacy is an eschatological (meaning end-times) sign to the Church, a living-out in the present of the universal celibacy of heaven: “For inthe resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” (Matt 22:30).
These last three paragraphs have been taken from http://www.catholic.com/library/Celibacy_and_the_Priesthood.asp
The same page also reminds us that the Church does not forbid people to marry. No one is required to take a vow of celibacy. Those who do, do so voluntarily. They “renounce marriage” (Matt 19:12); no one forbids it to them. Any Catholic who doesn’t wish to take such a vow doesn’t have to, and is almost always free to marry with the Church’s blessing. The Church simply elects candidates for the priesthood from among those who voluntarily renounce marriage.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
The problem with your argument is in the hypothesis. Masturbation can never be “always wrong” or “always right”. Sometimes it’s inappropriate and sometimes it is.
It’s not meaningful to say that it’s always degrading to oneself or others. I agree that those who do it to excess probably run into issues but equally there are people who do it in moderation.
The sense of guilt you associate with masturbating is society-imposed rather than a “natural” restriction as you cite. Children growing up in non-western cultures often approach the topic with fewer hang-ups.
In my younger years I used to masturbate as a form of deep prayer while focussing on deepening my relationship with Jesus. That opened up some powerful stuff in my heart. That might horrify you - I don’t know - but that was my truth at the time. I don’t expect anyone else to understand.
I don’t expect you to agree with my other comments. I think it has a lot to do with differing unspoken assumptions that form the basis of the contextual framework in which we answer philosophical questions.
Hi Tandem,
While it may always be intrinsically gravely disordered action (according to the Catholic Church’s Catechism #2352) to masturbate, it may not always be a mortal sin.
There are, however, different degrees of sin, depending on how much one knows about it, and how willing one was in the act.
For children who masturbate, it is not a serious sin until they are old enough to have mature moral reasoning. For those old enough to have moral reasoning, the Catholic Church teaches that:
It is intrinsically wrong because it seeks sexual pleasure outside marriage, which is “the sexual relationship demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved”. In other words, masturbation goes directly against love, because masturbation is essentially self-love (self-centered), which is totally contrary to the nature of true love (others-centered).
You are right that I do not understand your reasons for masturbating. The only thing I know is that as a compulsive masturbator myself, I have come up with thousands of reasons to rationalize and justify my actions (each action, and the whole of the action), with the final realization that I was only deceiving myself and the people around me. This post was inspired by seven of those reasons that I used to give myself.
Nonetheless, the Catholic Church has a rich teaching on sexuality, and how it is the key to understanding how we are made in God’s image.
Father John Harvey deals directly with the Pastoral Approach to Masturbation here:
http://couragerc.net/PIPMasturbation.html
while lead singer of the Irish rock band U2, Bono talks about sex, God, and marriage here:
http://www.theologyofthebody.com/08-10-06.asp
God bless,
Catholic Writer
CW: I’d want to achieve ejaculation to ease sexual tension while my wife is out of town on business trips. If I could achieve that through the methods mentioned in my last post, without sinning, it would help me get through these trips. I have trouble concentrating on anything but sex after a few days of abstinance. So it’s not as much the pursuit of self-pleasure, in my opinion, as it is the need for tension relief.
I understand wet dreams are not considered sinful; however, I can’t recall ever having experienced one. Are there any other non-sinful methods of easing this sexual tension? Thanks again.
Hi Scott,
What you have written sounds a lot like a withdrawal symptom from sexual addiction, because it seems that if you don’t ejaculate, you can’t function normally.
Take a look at this page and see if you identify with what is written there:
http://newlifehabits.com/2007/08/08/how-to-stop-masturbation-addiction/#more-41
I have said to myself before that I want to ejaculate so as to release sexual tension (that’s the exact term I used before), but there’s a deeper reason as to why we want to do it. What is causing that sexual tension? Dig deeper.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
I’m 21 years old and I have developed a serious problem with masturbation during the last 2 months. I never had any real problems with it during my teen years. I would get erections for sure but I only released semen when I was asleep. Since the middle of June I’ve been masturbating 3 or 4 times a week. Every time I do it I feel very guilty and try to convince myself I’ll never do it again but it just seems to be getting worse. Another thing is that I feel embarrassed talking to a priest in confession about it and I end up just saying I’ve been “acting selfishly”. Does that mean I’m forgiven or do I actually have to say I’ve been masturbating.
Thanks for your reply.
I can appreciate where you are coming from, but I think you (and the catholic church) still oversimplify the argument.
Consider a situation where a couple is mismatched in their desire for sexual frequency. Masturbation allows the partner with the higher drive to achieve satisfaction and prevents the partner with the lower drive from “giving in” to sex. It’s a compromise that achieves optimal outcomes for both partners. It’s less self-focussed than either partner forcing the other to comply with their sex drive. Also, loving others and loving yourself are not exclusionary states of existence. Indeed under your terms chastity would qualify as selfish.
Phrases like “intrinsically gravely disordered” are hollow non-words in a relativistic world. Though I can see you are not an absolutist at heart. I’m glad you used the term “compulsive masturbator” because this highlights that the problem is in the addiction. An absolutist would have just said “masturbator” without the status qualifier. And absolutism in this regard neglects to account for all of the potentials.
Hi Tandem,
Your solution of masturbation to allow the partner with the higher sex drive to achieve satisfaction sounds workable, but is it the loving thing to do? There are people, many in fact, who find masturbation more enjoyable than sex with a real partner. The reasons for these are manifold, which I shan’t go into here. Suffice to say, masturbation can come to totally replace sex with a real partner.
In addition, resorting to masturbation does not solve the issue. It avoids it. There is a deeper underlying reason to why a person has a lower sex drive. Perhaps it is because she has not been satisfied by sex with her partner.
Lots of women report being dissatisfied with sex with their partner because the man goes in and out quickly. This satisfies the man’s sexual arousal curve, but not the woman’s.
I would propose a better alternative.
The short and simple version is:
Man and woman are made differently. Man experiences a shorter and sharper arousal curve, while woman’s arousal rises more slowly and falls more slowly. In order for both to achieve sexual unity, which means ideally both climaxes at the same time, the man has to take into account his partner’s arousal curve, and slow down in the sexual act, so that both can achieve climax at the same time. In addition, the man must also take care not to leave the act too quickly, for the woman is still aroused after climax, and remains so longer than the man does.
The long and detailed version can be found in Pope John Paul II’s “Love and Responsibility” published in 1960. If the simple explanation does not suffice, I guarantee the pope’s writings will be more than enough. It is interesting to note that he wrote this nearly 50 years ago.
Some excerpts can be found here (http://www.catholicculture.com/jp2_on_l&r.pdf), specifically on pages 28-29.
——-
Relativism is a school of thought that holds no water. The very basis of relativism “There is no truth” is an absolute statement. I don’t understand how intelligent people cannot see how illogical this is.
Relativism begins with the assumption that there is no truth. To which I would ask, “Is that true?” The relativist would say, “Well, you can’t really be sure.” To which I would ask, “Are you sure?” The relativist would then say, “You can’t really know.” To which I would ask, “How do you know?”
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Hi Patrick,
Thanks for sharing. It must not have been easy to bring this up, even on the Internet.
I must say that I’m no counsellor, priest, or expert on sexual matters. I’m just an ordinary Catholic (with a sexual problem) sharing my experiences and thoughts on the matter.
I suppose the first question you need to ask yourself is “Why do I masturbate?” For many of us, it is a way to cope with some deeper feelings that we do not want to experience, such as loneliness, shame, discouragement, etc.
You mentioned that you developed this serious problem of masturbation during the last two months. I would just like to say that such serious problems do not develop overnight. Try to think back and see how far it goes. It might not have been masturbation to begin with, but it could have been something else that you might only now recognize as deliberate sexual arousal in yourself.
Now I’m not saying that this is right or wrong. I’m only encouraging you to look at your past and see where it comes from. I thought my own problem started at 21, but each time I reflect, I realize it started many years before. If you would like me to contact you via email to share on a more personal basis, let me know in your next comment.
Now about your guilt, it would appear, to me, that you don’t want to masturbate, but something is making you do it. Of course I know that some part of you wants to do it, but for the most part, you don’t want to do it. Yet somehow, you find yourself doing it again, feeling really lousy after the act, swearing never to do it again, and then a while later, doing it again. This might be a symptom of addiction.
It will be very hard to admit to yourself that you have an addiction problem. I took years to admit it to myself and even now it’s only starting to sink in. But I cannot tell you whether you are an addict or not. Only you can tell yourself that. And only when you can admit it, that you are powerless to overcome the habit on your own, can you really begin your road to recovery.
About confessing your sin, it would be best if you can actually say it to the priest. I know that’s really hard to do as well. It still is for me, after having confessed it more times than I can remember. What I can suggest is to find a regular confessor, a priest with whom you can share your particular problem with. It should be someone who can empathize with you, and understands what compulsive masturbation is. It helps by asking some priests, on an informal level, what the priest thinks of masturbation.
You are probably going to get a variety of responses. Some will say it is part of growing up (it’s not, and if you don’t address it now, you’re still going to have the problem after you get married). Some will say it’s not wrong (it is, according to the teachings of the Church). Some will say the opposite - it is a mortal sin, and if you die while masturbation, you are going to go to hell (I’ve had one of these before. Bad idea to go to him for confession.)
Find someone who understands the issue, and that you are comfortable with. If you can, share with him your problem of masturbation, and ask him to be your regular confessor. This means that every time you go for confession, you are going to go to him. And this means that you are likely to be confessing the same sin over and over again for a long time, until you can kick the habit, or at least keep it under control.
Don’t give up, because the temptation to give up will definitely be there. You will also notice that temptations are very strong immediately after confession. This is because the devil wants you to make you feel so guilty and ashamed that you stop going for confession. All the more you must keep on going. You can’t let the devil win!
I won’t kid you by telling you it’s going to be easy, and that you’ll be over it in a short while. I started actively fighting my problem nearly two years ago, and when I look back, I realise that I have progressed in my recovery. I’m not totally recovered yet, and I think I still have a long way to go. But I’m still struggling, I’m still fighting, because I know that when I am weak, God is with me and He will make me strong.
Feel free to write again.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Catholic Writer,
I’ve been reading some of your stuff on here and find it very well put and helpful.
However, I have a question.. is Masturbation in terms of a long distance relationship a “sin”? The Masturbation is mutual and my boyfriend and I do it together for each others pleasure, and we see each other while we do so, but it’s still Masturbation. We’ve recently (very recently) quit and have found your articles on here to be helpful and motivational but this is a question I’ve wanted to ask but have never found the proper source to do so, until now. We’re both virgins (and teenagers) and would appreciate any information you can give to us. Thanks so much
Hi IrishAmericanUnity,
Thanks for reading the stuff here, and for asking this question.
Catholic Church teaching on the area of masturbation puts it quite clearly in the Catechism of the Catholic Church #2352: The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.
In fact, that whole section in the CCC titled “The Vocation to Chastity” is worth reading. It can be found here:
http://www.vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm#II
This is as authentic a Catholic source as you’re ever going to find.
Hope this helps!
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Catholic writer,
Patrick here again. Thanks for replying to my comment.
I have to admit you are right when you say my problems started much earlier than two months ago. You’ll probably think I’m a bit of an oddball, but I actually developed an unusual fetish for women’s feet when I was about 12/13 years old. I would get erections thinking about women’s feet. This odd problem continued throughout my teenage years but for some reason I never had the urge to masturbate. As I said in my last comment I have recently started to masturbate. However my foot fetish seems to be the driving force. I fought so hard last night to stop myself masturbating and I was happy when I woke up this morning. Unfortunately despite trying hard earlier this evening, I gave into temptation again. I estimate that I’ve masturbated about 30 times since mid June. It’s hurting me deeply as I feel I cannot get rid of it. Even when I fight it, I only seem to be postponing the inevitable. Sorry if I sound like a bit of a freak with my odd problems but I feel much better conveying my feelings to someone. I pray to God that He will help me but it seems I’ve created a problem which will never go away.
Catholic writer,
do you have an email where people can converse with you more openly if their a bit nervous about their problems? I’m a bit nervous about saying too much here and need a bit of help is all. Thanks
Hi Patrick,
Sorry for the late reply. I’ve been busy preparing and attending a seminar on pornography.
Thanks for being so open about sharing your problems. You might like to know that having a foot fetish is not all that unusual. I have my own particular fetish which I used to think was unusual as well. But frankly, when you realise that there are thousands of websites dedicated to satisfying people with your own fetish, you start to realise that it’s more common that you think. At least that’s what I realised anyway.
I’m not encouraging it, mind you, I’m just saying that you’re not alone.
I too did not experience the urge to masturbate till I was in my early 20s, although my own journey into pornography also did begin in my early teenage years. As you think back into the history of your journey, you might recall a funny yet pleasurable feeling in your stomach. That’s sexual arousal. Of course I enjoyed that funny feeling and I began to find out what triggers that feeling in me. Once I found out, I wanted to feel it more and more. Perhaps you have had the same experience too?
I spoke about the porn seminar I attended because from it, I learnt that in the journey towards sexual freedom, we cannot expect 100% abstinence overnight. That is not the measure of success, because if it were, then you (and I) will surely be discouraged at our constant failures.
What a more accurate measure of success is, is how hard we have tried to resist temptation. The longer we can resist it between the times we fall, the better the progress that we have made in our recovery.
I admit that there was a time when I had a frequency like yours, and I can empathise with you on the discouragement that you feel. In my own journey these past two years since I started to actively fight the problem, my frequency has reduced significantly, and the periods between the times I’ve fallen into sexual sin has grown as well.
I’m still not 100% free from sexual sin, but I just want to assure you that with your continued desire to keep on fighting, and with the help of God’s grace (you need lots of it!) you too can progress in your recovery.
If you wish to continue this via email (more private), just let me know via a comment, like IrishAmericanUnity has done.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Hi IrishAmericanUnity,
I have emailed you.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Hi Catholic Writer,
I have responded. Thanks God bless
Catholic Writer,
I’ve managed to stop masturbating (with the grace of God) for some time now. I have noticed that after giving up masturbation, I end up getting strong erections that last for a good period of time each morning when I wake up. And because of the movements in bed, it naturally gets more sensitive. Therefore, it becomes very frustrating; I can’t take a longer nap because I know if I do, I’ll definately fall into sin.
Is this a built up of sexual tension? If it is, I understand that it should be ‘discharged’ via nocturnal emission or wet dreams. However, I’ve yet to experience one; in fact I’ve never experienced one.
I don’t know about other guys but one of my other post masturbation problems would be the commission of one of the capital sins, lust. Because there is no discharge, I often find myself sexually tensed and it becomes easy for my mind to be distracted by ‘things of the flesh’.
Will these ever go away or is it a cross that us men have to carry? Anyone with similar ‘withdrawal problems’ as well?
Hi Tomas,
Thanks for writing in your comment. Now an important thing to note that I’m not a priest, religious, or expert on sexual matters. I’m just a lay Catholic who found wonderful insights in Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and want to share it with others.
I’m not sure what you mean when you say you’ll definitely fall into sin if you take a longer nap. Can you explain?
The term ’sexual tension’ is somewhat misused here. What you have is not sexual tension, but I know what you mean. Sometimes it’s hard to find the right word for it.
I believe the word you are looking for is ‘craving’.
I used to think that I feel more lust when I don’t masturbate, but as I observed myself for some time, I realised that masturbation actually causes the lust (not immediately). You are right when you refer to it as withdrawal symptoms. The withdrawal from masturbation is exactly what is drawing us to masturbate again. Loosely speaking, masturbation is the cause of the feeling.
But not all of it. What I mean is that a normal person experiences cravings too, but not in the intensity as someone who is trying to stop masturbating. I can give you a few helpful tips on how to deal with those cravings:
- Call a friend who is also trying to stop masturbating
- Take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time if need be.
- Go for a walk
- Throw away whatever will tempt you to masturbate
- Change your energy - calm down or get moving
- Take a new route to work/school/home
- Pray the rosary (by the time you finish, the craving should have passed)
- Remember that feelings aren’t facts - you won’t die if you don’t masturbate
If you do slip, don’t give up. Start over. The most important thing is not to despair. Withdrawal doesn’t last forever. You are not alone in this struggle.
These cravings will gradually lessen over time, and you may come to the point that you forget about it. But don’t let your guard down. Sometimes we experience them all of a sudden, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t recovered. Experiencing a small craving a few times a year is far better than experiencing intense craving every other day, isn’t it?
Hope this help!
God bless,
Catholic Writer
I’m not surprised most of your young male correspondents experience such extreme difficulty in their perverse and misguided attempts to give up masturbation, for the simple reason that regular ejaculation, whether or not by masturbation, is perfectly natural.
They would be far better off complying with the laws of nature and ejaculating regularly, not least because this reduces the chances of contracting prostate cancer by some 30%.
Wet dreams are nature’s final attempt to remove sperm that’s been accumulated for too long from the body, and are a sign that more frequent ejaculations are necessary.
The best quality sex is is usually within a committed relationship, but that is by no means always possible, and other forms of sexual activity are then perfectly acceptable, indeed necessary. That doesn’t necessarily include masturbating six times in 1 1/2 hours though.
The best should not be permitted to become the enemy of the good, because there is nothing intrinsically wrong and much that is beneficial in alternative forms of sex. Indeed, most sexual activity is recreational.
I hope this will be of help to some of your younger correspondents. They should stop worrying about imaginary problems and just behave normally and stop trying to buck the laws of nature.
Hi. I have not masturbated for about 6 months. I have made a commitment to God 6 months ago that I would no longer masturbate, and through His grace, I have not been tempted too strongly and have managed to keep my promise. However, I have only had a nocturnal emision twice since then. I have had errections at night as well.
The other morning in the shower, I stimulated myself only a little to see if I could get an errection. I only did this for a few seconds and did not climax. My question is, did I masturbate? Do you need to climax to be considered as masturbating?
Hi Dave,
Smoking has been shown to decrease the riskof developing Parkinson’s disease by 60 percent. If you read that alone, you might conclude that it is a good idea to light up.
Similarly, the conclusion that “masturbation reduces the chances of contracting prostate cancer by 30 percent” is as just as misleading.
I give you another example. Scientific studies has shown that the Pill may reduce the chances of contracting ovarian cancer in women. What we often fail to read is that the same study shows that in roughly a quarter of the contraceptive’s users, there was an almost certainty (the correct term is ’statistically significant’
increased risk of cancer of the cervix and central nervous system.
The important question to ask is “what behaviour offers the best overall protection of men’s health?” Frequent over-stimulation of the reward centre of the brain can lead to another category of problems: addictions, depression, and desire for emotional separation. One day, science may discover that gentle, frequent, non-orgasmic love-making, which allows deeper emotional union due to the absence of an addictive cycle of sexual highs and lows, while it also exercises the prostate, is the best route to improved overall health.
In case you’ve read other misleading information, here’s a good website to check:
http://www.reuniting.info/science/misleading_science_journalism_on_sex
I get suspicious whenever I read scientific conclusions that sound too good to be true. Often, we read what we want to read into it, only to have someone discover later on, that the conclusions were misleading, or that the research was flawed.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Hi Scotty,
That’s great to hear! Continue to pray to the Lord and ask for the grace to resist temptations. Don’t get overconfident and take it one day at a time. Remember to thank the Lord each day for watching over you.
The Catholic definition of masturbation is “the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure”. If you didn’t do it to derive sexual pleasure, I see nothing wrong with it.
Don’t worry too much about it. You still get erections at night.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Hi Catholic Writer
I think the evidence regarding prostate cancer is pretty definite. See, for example:
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn4861.html
which gives the results of two surveys.
I must say I have considerable difficulty in understanding the Catholic position on sexual activity in general. Most people regard sex as being normal, natural and necessary, even if their own sexual menu is somewhat limited by practical circumstances..
You wouldn’t dream of screwing down the safety valve on a steam boiler, would you (would you…?), yet that seems to summarise the Catholic attitude to sex.
I’m convinced that this is the root cause of the problem the Catholic Church has had with priests failing to comply with normal standards, a problem which has cost the Church dearly.
In my view the Catholic Church should now begin to view sex from completely the opposite standpoint.
Seek out the good in it, make the best of it, enjoy it, revel in it!
Then thank the Lord!
(Dave Said on September 20th, 2007 at 5:16 am)
1. is that an everyday requirement in order to attain the 30% reduction of prostate cancer?
2. weekly? monthly? yearly? every-so-many-yearly?
3. is a length of time stipulated for session?
4. or is it more like the Chinese monk story of achieving proximity to crisis and laying off for a time before attempting proximity again and again and again?
5. are clinical trials on going?
6. can I volunteer?
7. must this 30% reduction be achieved by the self or may the other assist?
8. two others?
9. gender specific?
10. species specific? (i understand that apes can be trained to do amazing things these days!)
OK! OK!
Assuming that this is true, it is never the physical detriments that we are concerned with. It is always the moral damage to our sense of pity as we become unable to either (i)attain pleasure from another person or (ii)give pleasure to another person.
AND (physically) excessive masturbation does cause insensitivity, rawness and even bleeding!
(Dave Says on September 20th, 2007 at 5:16 am
“They should stop worrying about imaginary problems and just behave normally and stop trying to buck the laws of nature.”
Thanks Dave, I seldom read of reliance upon the “laws of nature”; it is good that some of us still have faith in the wholesome “laws of nature”!
I suppose homosexuals may take offence against your adherence to these laws because, after all, these very same laws demand that the complementary genders’ genitals go together! This does put both gays (homosexual men) and lesbians (homosexual women) in a bit of a quandary! I’ll just leave you to sort that out with homosexuals everywhere.
But I digress in pointing out that your manner of adherence to the “laws of nature” leaves much to be desired… you restrict yourself to a narrow application.
Nature is an efficient and certainly effective entity - ask the animals and the trees - they don’t masturbate. This would also bolster your position against homosexuality because nature is biased towards heterosexuality.
What perks MY interest is: why you would want to masturbate? Have you tried sex with either a woman or a man (whatever your preferences are)? Some while ago, this deluded inventor came up with a capsule that “had all the benefits of red wine” and he touted it as having none of the side effects (he meant getting drunk). He missed the point completely!
By all accounts, even your own, masturbation is a substitute for the real thing but why, I ask, would you want to isolate the orgasm from the relationship. WHY would you separate the experience of wine which is so much more than the encapsulated free-radicals!
Be clear about my point:
orgasm = encapsulated free-radicals
relationship = scent, socialising and most certainly the sex which follows!
Wine drinkers expressed the same opinion all over the world - we want to savour! I personally advised non drinkers who were quite taken by the capsule idea to wise up and smell the bouquet. Masturbaters would do well to ‘wise up and smell the relationship’.
When I was too poor to afford wine, I chose to wait until I could afford it instead of buying encapsulated free-radicals - apply the metaphor!
I also disagree with your “The best quality sex is is usually within a committed relationship”. Allow me to be explicit: you are wrong because the quality of sex is a direct result of the efforts you (and your partner) put in to the pleasures of both you and your partner.
The value of a committed relationship is the commitment; which does not statistically correlate to the quality of sex however generous we may feel towards the interpretation of said statistics.
Most of all, I wanted to thank you for that side-splitting one liner “and other forms of sexual activity are then perfectly acceptable, indeed necessary.”. Other forms of sexual activity are not ‘perfectly acceptable’: firstly because you do not limit “other forms” and secondly because perfection is alien to humanity.
Your ‘perfectly acceptable’ comment is not only a red herring, it is also a logical and physical impossibility so it may be discarded.
Since you do not limit “other forms” I can logically and reasonably conclude that your comment includes incest, bestiality and necrophilia.
Should you be actually proposing these “other forms” I really don’t agree that they are “indeed necessary”.
Um … just to be certain, you’re not proposing incest, bestiality and necrophilia; are you?!
Hi Dave,
I totally agree with you that in the past, the Church has always viewed sex as something bad. Tolerated, but bad. And so did the world, so it was alright. Sex is bad, unless it is in marriage.
But then came the sexual revolution, which basically said to us, “Who told you sex was bad? It’s not bad. It’s good. If you try it, you will find that it is great.” (compare that with Genesis 3:1-6)
So the world tried it and enjoyed it. But now we are seeing something different. We are seeing the fruits of the sexual revolution - unwanted pregnancies, and STDs. So the solution - to have protected sex. We see that the world’s perspective of sex hasn’t really changed. Sex is still bad, unless it is ‘protected’.
The promise of the sexual revolution has been a lie. The world still says that sex is bad.
Compare that to what the Catholic Church is now saying about sex, starting with Pope John Paul II. The Church is now saying that sex is good, and that through sex, we find the meaning of life, and we find the message of love that God wants to share with us. Because sex is so important and so good, great care must be taken to ensure that we reap the good fruits of sex, not the rotten fruits of the sexual revolution.
So, yes, I agree with you - sex is good news indeed. But not sex that the sexual revolution promotes - anywhere and anytime, just follow your urges. Sex is good in a committed relationship, and as irreverentPS says, “The value of a committed relationship is the commitment.”
The best things in life need to be worked for and waited for.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
irreverent PS - you’re certainly that.
No, of course I’m not advocating incest, beastiality, necrophilia - or even the abuse of kids by priests.
Incidentally, a recent study found that total abstinence actually elevates testosterone levels, another reason why Catholic priests are in such an difficult and unreal position.
I see homosexuality as being quite within the laws of nature, because it occurs naturally. So I’ve nothing at all against gays, and see no reason why they should not have the same rights as everyone else.
I’ve only ever had sex with women - quite a few - but I see no reason for that to rule out masturbation at other times. As I pointed out, masturbation becomes a biological necessity in the absence of other outlets.
Why would I want to separate the orgasm from the relationship? Well, I don’t - necessarily - but there are surely two types of sex at the opposite ends of a continuum - “relationship” sex and “recreational” sex. Recreational sex is of course just concerned with the physical side (lust!), and would therefore include masturbation as well as sex with a partner having corresponding views. I see no fundamental reason why the existence of relationship sex should permanently rule out recreational sex if they are practiced appropriately at appropriate times.
However, I do agree with your explicit statement that “the quality of sex is the direct result of the effort you (and your partner) put into the pleasures of you and your partner”.
And yes, you’re right - commitment does not statistically correlate to the quality of sex.
But that just seems to endorse my argument that the best should not be permitted to rule out the good!
I’m old enough to have lived both pre- and post- the sexual revolution (= sexual evolution), and certainly know which I prefer.
I hope the above clarifies the points you raised. I had certainly not allowed for some of your guesswork!
Hi again, Catholic Writer
I would describe the sexual revolution as sexual evolution, taking place as mankind’s knowledge and experience increase. I know it’s a difficult area for most religions, because they are founded on tradition.
But I think it’s a little dogmatic to say that the promise of the sexual revolution has been a lie (have there ever been any specific promises?), or that the world still says sex is bad.
We have to be pretty careful with food, medicinal drugs, aeroplanes, etcetera, too, but that does not automatically make them bad.
Nor should the best be permitted to rule out the good - both can be appropriate at different times.
Best wishes
Hi Dave,
Here are some fruits of the sexual revolution, taken from the BBC (and not some religious source):
- Britain has today the highest teenage pregnancy rate.
- Almost one in three 15-year-olds do not use a condom during sex.
- Average sex of first sexual intercourse has fallen from 20 in men and 21 in women in 1950s to 16 in 1990s.
- Sexually active before the age of consent from 1% to 25% in the same period.
- In 10 years, levels of genital Chlamydia rose by 508% in teenage boys.
What is the solution to this?
Ans: Teach teenagers about the RISKS of sex, and teaching them about contraception.
Therefore what we hear now is:
Protect yourself against the bad effects of sex: pregnancy and other diseases such as AIDS and STDs. [Pregnancy is now equated to a disease??] In other words, unprotected sex is bad = sex is BAD unless sterilised and made fertile.
The sexual revolution wanted to fix the thinking “Sex is bad unless tolerated in marriage.” The sexual revolution wanted to change that to “Sex is good. Anytime, anywhere.” You lived through the sexual revolution; you know from experience that this was what was promised. Unfortunately, what we have now is “Sex is bad unless protected”.
The sexual revolution not only increased the world’s knowledge and experience about sex; it’s also increased sexually-related diseases, and the prevalence of it. I do not see how the spread of diseases (including one particular incurable disease) can be considered evolution. It’s not just difficult for most religions to understand. It’s also difficult for any honest person, religious or not, to see these effects of the sexual revolution and not see it as harmful to the whole human race.
The sexual revolution not only failed to deliver; it has created (and still is creating) more problems for us.
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Hi Dave,
I had a doctor friend of mine look into the claim that masturbation lowers the risk of prostate cancer. He came back with something interesting - a commentary on the study of prostate cancer and masturbation.
The data on the relationship between greater frequency of ejaculation during any sexual activity and decreased risk of later prostate cancer is used without any association of cancer risk with the number of female sexual partners, so as to argue against an infectious process having a major role in prostate cancer. The suggestion that masturbation offers more protection than those during intercourse is a speculation, according to the researchers themselves. However, New Scientist and popular media misrepresented the ‘fact’ that masturbation prevents prostate cancer. The study by Giles et al do not allow such a conclusion to be drawn. On the contrary, other researchers have found that it is intercourse frequency, but not masturbation frequency, that is ‘protective’.
You can get the rest at: http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1464-410X.2004.04581.x
You will also find that in a review of the causes of prostate cancer published at a later date, there was no mention at all of masturbation as being a favourable factor.
http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/cgi-bin/fulltext/109716120/PDFSTART
Caution should always be taken when reading or hearing about news that sounds too good to be true. It probably is!
God bless,
Catholic Writer
Good Morning Dave!
(Dave said on September 22nd, 2007 at 10:13 am:
“No, of course I’m not advocating incest, bestiality, necrophilia - or even the abus